Today

On a day when the wind is perfect,

the sail just needs to open and the world is full of beauty.

Today is such a day.

My eyes are like the sun that makes promises;

the promise of life

that it always

keeps each morning.

The living heart gives to us as does that luminous sphere,

both caress the earth with great

tenderness.

This is a breeze that can enter the soul.

This love I know plays a drum. Arms move around me;

who can contain their self before my beauty?

Peace is wonderful,

but ecstatic dance is more fun, and less narcissistic;

gregarious He makes our lips.

On a day when the wind is perfect,

the sail just needs to open and the love starts.

Today is such a day.

~ Rumi

Come on in

                      

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be cleaning you out
For some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from the beyond.

Rumi 

Shhhhhhhh

What did I learn today?
I learned that I need to be grateful for every situation I find myself in. It's all for me. I learned, that even if I try to breathe through a problem there will always be someone who will not allow me to. That I have to learn to deal with that too. I learned, that even if the situation escalates into something horrendous, I try to be present every step of the way. That means not lashing back in anger, but taking time over a response. Easier said than done. Even if it does happen, to then realise that is what has happened and to be aware of that.
Standing in awareness, one can very quickly see where the back lash may occur. Every action has a reaction.
Gosh it is so difficult to always be present. I try to remind my self to 'listen' when the going gets tough. Listen to the bird song, a motor bike, the wind, water rushing, a clock ticking, anything that brings you back to the still point. It's only when you stop, take a breath and hear, that you are brought back to the moment and not attach big emotion to the stories in your head.
I was asked the other day why I like walking around 'jangling' with bells on my ankles.....Hmmm.... because they catch my attention and bring me back to the still point.

 'This too shall pass, until then, fetch wood, carry water, walk the earth.'
It has been a trying few days, year, in fact. The point has come where I have given up trying to fix problems. I no longer have the energy to walk the earth, so I am going to sit for a while and listen.

Waiting for the water to clear

 “I'd love to give you something

but what would help?” 

― Ikkyu, Crow with No Mouth

Wanting to help someone or deciding to let them struggle is always a dilemma. I don't mean physically help, but emotionally. Should I thrust my opinions on a friend about a certain situation, or should I sit back and watch them suffer, until the time is right for them to see more clearly ? What is the old saying? 'You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink'. Sometimes we may be able to offer a solution, but the friend is so tied up in past beliefs and unsound paradigms that they just can't see. Saying 'Sit by the stream of your mind., waiting for the mud to clear' doesn't always go down well !
Sometimes we have to wait patiently for the friend to stop and ask.

I revisited some old favourites. Do what we do, moment to moment and let others do it their way. It's all about perspective.

Each time the wave breaks

The crow

Gives a little jump.

~ Nissha

 “Studying texts and stiff meditation can make you lose your Original Mind.

A solitary tune by a fisherman, though, can be an invaluable treasure.

Dusk rain on the river, the moon peeking in and out of the clouds;

Elegant beyond words, he chants his songs night after night.” 

― Ikkyu

 “Many paths lead from the foot of the mountain, but at the peak we all gaze at the single bright moon.” 

― Ikkyu

Some more nearly finished driftwood paintings for the Completely Coastal Exhibition.

Tide rushes in

One of my favourite walks in Brightlingsea, is the rope walk. It runs from the tip of the creek, through the marshes and along to the boat yard. Essex marshyness at it's best. Whatever the tide, there is always something to look at. The tide rushes in, water bubbling over the muddy banks. Debris seems glued into it's khaki stickyness or on a bright day the water laps and glints through the ochre grasses, oyster catchers flitting overhead. Rotting house boats lie in the mud, perfect wabi sabi.
It is an endless source of ideas.
I have painted some watercolours, studies of the marshes.

I keep reading and re reading this !!

 “Life always gives us 

exactly the teacher we need 

at every moment. 

This includes every mosquito, 

every misfortune, 

every red light, 

every traffic jam, 

every obnoxious supervisor (or employee), 

every illness, every loss, 

every moment of joy or depression, 

every addiction, 

every piece of garbage, 

every breath. 

Every moment is the guru.” 

― Charlotte Joko Beck

Cindery Island appears and disappears with the tide. Oyster shells litter the mud at low tide, at high tide just a slither of land peeks above the horizon.
These and others will be on show at the Waterside Gallery 18th May for two weeks.

Sea shanties and sail boats

 I am working towards the Completely Coastal exhibition at the Waterside Gallery. Starting 18th May until 2nd June. I'll be showing a selection of  watercolours inspired by Brightlingsea views, some original hand painted cards and a few 'Sea shanty' inspired assemblages.

 I am completely mesmerised by the constantly changing light on the water.Most days I'm down at the harbour, and every day I am in awe of the beauty of the sea and sky.

 The sunsets are always magnificent and although they tend to look a bit chocolate boxy in a big painting, I can't help capturing the colours for original hand painted cards.

Long have I admired Arthur Wallis' naive paintings and scrimshaw engravings and have wanted to try some small 3D pieces inspired by these sailors.  I've been collecting bags and bags of driftwood over the Winter, all sorts of shapes and sizes. The other day I tipped the whole lot out on the studio floor and sat with all the different bits, until pieces jumped out and I could see how the shapes might lend themselves to an assemblage. Rusty old bits of metal add a different dimension, some looking like birds or boats. Snippets of sea shanties add words and dreams to the pieces. Coast guard cottages, up the coast at Shingle Street (such a wonderful name for a place), nestle in the pebbles against the harsh East wind. All white in the otherwise grey landscape. Brightlingsea's marina development offers a more contemporary silhouette, but still the age old fishing boats, yachts, barges and smacks bob around in the harbour, unaware of passing time.

Original Face

A very dear friend of mine died last week, leaving a gaping hole. Only days before  we had been laughing and chatting over a cuppa. We would while away many hours sitting on a bench in the sun, down at the harbour, watching the world go by. When it rained we would shelter in his clap board hut clutching a brew listening to the shipping forecast. There was never a dull moment as he regaled stories of his life on the high seas. Many times I had been whisked away on the breeze of some distant exotic land. He was my guardian angel, in as much as he always seemed to be around when I needed help. On more than one occasion he came out in his little fishing boat to look for me, when I had failed to return from a kayaking trip at the allotted time. He always happened by on his bike when I mistakenly thought I needed to be on my own. 'Ah there you are girl, where have you been? I need some help with something' .... it always did the trick and took my mind off whatever was bugging me.

Today I walked down by the beach huts, the wind was biting, the remnants of snow still lying on the ground. My face stung in the icy air. I thought about him and death and how I would miss his company. I thought about the koan 'What was your original face before your parents were born?' What is my original face? what is my true self? I am everything and everything is me. Then, I am him and he is me. His energy continues to flow. All keeps moving. I haven't changed, I have changed, nothing stays the same. My original face is his original face.
I walk, look back over my shoulder, he smiles his wicked smile, and says, as always, 'Don't be late girl !'.

A bag full of driftwood and back into the studio.

Gosh ! is that the time......?

Where does the time go? where do the days disappear to? It seems like a long time I was in my studio. It has been too cold for the last couple of months to spend more than an hour at a time in there. I have had to make do with a small kitchen table. We had a lovely couple of days last week and I finally ventured in. Mostly I wanted to have a look at the driftwood I had collected after Winter storms. Some pieces immediately lend themselves to specific ideas, others need some thought. 

I love the worn and and sun bleached greys and whites, so I thought I would try and replicate some of that idea by whitewashing some rather newer looking pieces. Rubbing off most of the white emulsion gives a nice weathered look. Going for a 'Swedish' look means I don't have to use much in the way of colour, apart from the little chinks of blue or yellow left by the waves.

Creativity is an integral part of me, as essential as breathing. Even if the end result is not 'saleable' I have to fiddle around with making stuff, and it is so important for me to have space to do this.
A friend of mine is waiting for me to present my 'vision statement' to him for inspection ! an attempt to get me to focus my business brain LOL, it doesn't come easily, and I find any number of excuses for not doing this.

Some mini watercolours, inspired by some beautiful sunsets over Brightlingsea. These may find their way into my new ETSY shop.... do have a look....
I'm still in the process of setting this up and uploading photographs. I am also having some gicleé prints done, so keep checking back. I have a couple of the art prints in The Coach House Coffee shop in Brightlingsea.

I am working towards an exhibition at the Waterside Gallery, Brightlingsea, in May. We are hosting a show titled 'Completely Coastal' which will be a celebration of the East Coast. An eclectic mix of artists will be showing their work including painting, 3D, ceramics, glass and photography. Promises to be a really interesting exhibition. I'll keep you posted.

Happy daze !

A Strange Tail

Wuzu Fayan said, 'It’s as though a water buffalo is passing

through a lattice window. Its head, horns, and four legs have all

gone through. Why can't the tail go through? ' 

I like this koan. Holding on to the tail while I paint ! I keep asking myself....'is this the tail?.....is this the tail? ' Curiouser and curiouser... Why does the tail remain? What is holding onto it? Ahhhhh, attachments. And so I start to notice my everyday attachments, well, life generally. Mind, desire, want, this should be different. Every day needs. The human genome. We can't pass completely through the lattice window, because if we do, we fall off the cliff !

I'm in the process of setting up an Etsy shop...Huzzah. Easier said than done for a technophobe like me. I will be selling originals as well as some cards and giclée prints. So hold onto your hats and I'll let you know when I'm up and running.

Wrong action ?

 Looking back to Sliema as the storm passes.

 Fireworks at dusk over Valletta.

A blissful few days in the winter sun. A new horizon, new people, a new way of life. New thoughts about the future. Rosy.

It's easy though not to practise when a routine is muddled. Not remembering to sit, not having time to sit, excuses that others make it difficult to sit, excuse after excuse. I notice the days that I forget or don't have time to sit are full of wrong thoughts, wrong actions. It's a bit like starting the day by getting out of the wrong side of bed. Bad decisions are made, I'm at the mercy of my mindlessness, the day is haphazard. The consequences can be shambolic. 

I also notice the difference that starting the day with meditation makes. Clear thought....or at least watching the thoughts that pop up, and noticing them for what they are. Intuitive right action. Making sense of doubt. Giving my self a chance to live each moment, happy or painful. Facing the fear. Trust, letting go of the river bank, lying on my back and allowing myself to float down the river. I have a wonderful picture of Ophelia covered in flowers, doing just that !

It's not my business

It's not my business to worry about what other people think, about me, about others, about anything. They will do what they do, they will think what they think, regardless of me. The only thing I can successfully change is how I react to other's reactions. Easier said than done sometimes ! 
I came across a a nice analogy today. What if we changed our perspective and viewed our lives as an artistic masterpiece....?

What if every day we viewed our 'painting' as an ongoing work..? every person we met had some little, or big, part to play in the composition. Every thing we encountered was there for the purpose of making our 'painting' richer. Whether it was a stranger in the street we passed a pleasantry with, or even an unpleasant encounter. Even the dinamics within our families. Every event teaches us something about ourselves. Looking at life in this way changes our perspective . We start looking for the lessons, the teachers, the reasons for an event taking place. What have we learnt from that....? We are the controllers of our lives. Everything comes from within us, not from outside of us. Suddenly every day seems like an adventure. It's all in the not knowing, expecting the unexpected.

The snow even reached Brightlingsea this weekend, what beautiful colours it gave the mud and cold water. 
I'm off to an island I visited a couple of years ago now, I'm not sure the weather is a whole lot better there in the winter, but a change is as good as a rest, as my Grandmother used to say. I am expecting the island to look quite different in the winter light, it was well into the 100's last time I was there. Looking forward to being inspired.

Keep warm.

The Art of Trying

Pablo Picasso said ' God is, above all, an artist. He invented the girafe, the elephant, and the ant. He never tried to follow one particular style. He simply kept doing whatever he felt like doing.'

Paulo Coelho said 'It is the desire to walk that creates the path ahead; however, when we set off on the journey towards our dream, we feel very afraid, as if we have to get everything right first time. But given that we all have different lives, who decided what 'getting everything right' means ? 

Why do we have to follow what everyone else has done? To learn from their mistakes? Or to follow blindly where others have gone, in the hope it will work for us too? More often than not, living in this 'safe' way, life becomes a prison.

Anyway, let go of the oars, let the boat drift.....those are my new year's thoughts.

Still experimenting with the watercolours. I'm finding a small sponge gives a nice bloomy effect. It moves colour around quite nicely and lifts off excess paint easily.

Having worked with layering materials and acrylics for so long, I am still finding watercolours a challenge. The last thing I want is to produce twee renditions of landscapes, and need to sort out which technique is best for me. So there is still much in the way of experimentation going on !
Going back through my photos of Valletta, I'm finding the crumbly architecture again very inspiring. But don't at this stage want to be drawn into the obvious colour palette of blue skies and ochre buildings. At the moment I want to stick to my usual limited colour palette of pains grey, raw umber, yellow ochre and a little ultramarine.
Every thing turned to black !

Too wet !

Being much more controlled as to where I put the water, keeping it very much inside a drawn area. Then when that is dry, moving on to another area.

Not sure I like it....thinks it looks a little too controlled. 

A view across Xemxia bay.

Onward and upward .....

Working with a goose and a bottle

A woman raised a goose in a bottle.  When the goose was grown, she wanted to get it out.  

How can you get it out without breaking the bottle?

I came across this koan the other day. For those of you that don't know what a koan is, google it ! Loosely speaking it is a Zen question on which to meditate. Not something that can be solved intellectually but only by somehow 'holding' the koan in your body until an insight reveals itself. 

My day today was mostly taken up with returning my son to Uni. All through the drive I had this goose stuck in it's bottle sitting at the base of my skull. Goose, bottle, goose, bottle. It was squashed up against the glass but was smiling (?) and quacking contentedly. Why would the woman want to get the goose out? it looked pretty happy to me. Was it to be in control of it's life? She had nurtured it to adult hood and now felt still somehow 'owned' it and was responsible for how it lived...? 

It's difficult letting your children go, but go they will. They will find their own path, they will learn (or not) by their mistakes and may or may not live the life you had intended for them. Ultimately they must chose for themselves and be true to themselves and take responsibility for their choices.

We reached my son's house only to find that the last students to leave before Christmas, had not done the washing up, or cleaned out the fridge of perishables....yuk. What a stench. Without a moan or groan boy emptied the fridge of gunk, cleaned it out, put all the dirty pots, pans, mugs etc into a big box and put it outside. Cleaned the kitchen and got on with his day. He wasn't judgemental or angry, just accepting that that was how some people like to live their lives. All he could do was to live his life the best he could. He does his washing up and keeps his room tidy. And that is all any of us can do. We can take responsibility for ourselves and allow others to do the same. It doesn't mean though, that boy won't voice his concern for every ones health and is thinking about how he can resolve the problem.

This was a boy who six months ago was was kept clean and well watered and really didn't have to think too much for himself and I am very proud of how he has risen to the challenge and managed to lever himself out of the bottle all on his own. 

 The Winter light is so special, the subtle greys and slight pinks that fill the sky are such an inspiration.
The watercolour at the top is just the first wash of a painting I am working on, trying to get the delicate colours. The camera seems to have made it a little pink though it could be my laptop....I am going to save the photo above as a pallet for interior colours ! Reminds me of peeling French Chateaux interiors, grey paintwork next to palest grey walls, held together by rustic tables and chairs.